A New Era
It's 8 pm on Sunday. My pup cuddled next to me on the couch, a tarte cherry juice and magnesium concoction beside me, my laptop warming my lap.
This post will have absolutely nothing to do with reading or current reads. It has everything to do with a new chapter I'm starting.
Back at the end of 2021, I started reformer Pilates. I was looking for a way to get in movement that wasn't a crazy HIIT workout or weightlifting. This was after 10+ years of going to the gym. I started lifting in 2011 and I started consistently going to the gym at 17 in 2009, talk about aging myself.
I didn't want to lift heavy. I didn't want to do a bodybuilding competition. I didn't want to eat bro foods. I didn’t want to eat 1200 calories a day. I didn't want to do cardio for 30 minutes to an hour a day. I was quite literally fed up and driving myself bananas with how to attain my body from the ages of 20-23 which required all of that. It was a vicious cycle of me trying to fit unrealistic gym time into my schedule while growing my professional career and commuting to NYC five days a week.
I felt like a hamster on a wheel, never reaching anything. No workout and no amount of time spent training, ever felt “enough”. If the workout wasn’t an hour of cardio and an hour of lifting 6-7 days per week, it wasn’t good enough.
Yikes. I got a little sidetracked there. However, working out at home for a year during the pandemic was a blessing in disguise. This caused me major stress at first because how on Earth was I ever going to get on track now?! I can’t even go to a gym! I was forced to slow down a bit. After months of not crumpling and dying from having no gym access and doing home workouts, I knew I needed something different. I was determined to change my relationship to fitness. My old ways weren't working and weren't working for some time. Pilates has now entered the chat.
I started Pilates simply to change my relationship with what it meant to work out. If you're on social media (more predominantly TikTok) you’ve probably seen a lot of posts on the “soft girl era” or the “Pilates girl era”. It’s hundreds of women claiming that their bodies have changed from stopping harder HIIT workouts and weightlifting and doing Pilates and lower impact movement, like walking. I do still value weightlifting and cardio and I try to incorporate those elements 2-3 days a week because they’re good for your heart, your bones, and overall aging. So, I don’t necessarily agree with that stance, but I can see where they are coming from. Us girls are TIRED. For years we’ve been told to work harder.
Ultimately, I wanted to show myself that I could move my body for an hour and not go “so hard”. I wanted to show myself I could be patient and do a workout that didn’t have me drenched in sweat or out of breath and that it “still counted”. I also wanted to learn something new.
I was dropping a work package off at FedEx one day when I saw that a Pilates studio was opening near me. I called as soon as possible. I became one of their first members once they opened. It was the first Pilates studio near me, and I was pumped. Also, at the time Lori Harvey was attributing her STUNNING physique to Pilates so I figured there’s got to be something there.
I wasn’t prepared for what was ahead of me. Let me take you back to my first few classes. I knew Pilates would be challenging and I went in with no expectations of being good, but I didn’t think I had zero core strength. It was humbling to say the least. I would walk into class a bit terrified because: what do I do on that thing?! There are so many parts? And this thing moves! Am I going to fall off? Does everyone know what they’re doing? I could not roll up from my back into a seated position. That is one of the most basic movements in Pilates. I thought I was a relatively active and fit person as I still worked out 4 to 5 days a week at that point. But I kept going back.
What stood out to me was that I would always look forward to going. Always. It was never a chore. I would wake up smiling at 5:30 am to run to a 6 am class. I always left feeling more in touch with different parts of my body and excited for things I noticed. Sometimes I noticed that my balance on the reformer got better, or that I could recognize one of the cues from the instructor. They were very small things but they kept me engaged.
I started to see my progress class by class. After about 6 months I was able to start moving up to 1.5 classes and hitting small milestones like taking 50 classes, 100 classes, etc. I upgraded my membership to take more classes monthly. If I’m being honest, physically I didn’t see too many changes in the first 6-8 months. I felt them though. I was more flexible, I felt so much more in tune with my body, and I felt more at ease about my fitness routine.
It’s been almost two and a half years since my first class, and I’ve come a long way. I am now taking level 2 classes and continue to keep learning each class. I am an expert at rolls up (kidding) but my core is so strong these days. As a bonus, I’ve lost almost 15 pounds since I started, which I can’t attribute solely to Pilates, but I do thank Pilates for reigniting my passion for movement. I contemplated about a year into my journey if I should become an instructor. It was a sneaky little thought: could I do that? Me? At the time, it was too much of a financial commitment. I held off to save for it and to focus on other areas of my life that required a lot of attention at the time. I also didn’t think I was ready. Who was I to teach Pilates?
After a lot of thought and contemplation, last month I enrolled in Pilates teacher training. Yay! I started some courses last week and hopefully, I will be starting to teach by the end of the year. It's a comprehensive program. But I am so excited to embark on this journey and continue to learn more about the body, movement, and eventually share that with the world. I'm sure I'll learn new things about myself along the way. I'm such a class junkie, I can't wait to take my years as a student and pull from all the different facets of training and instructors I've experienced to create my dream environment.
No, I don’t have plans to leave my career. I love my job, and I love the company I work for. I have zero intentions of being a full-time instructor. I also still plan on growing Literate Women Book Club as a brand, event, and product.
I do plan to teach 6-8 hours a week once I’m certified and one day when I have years of experience under my belt maybe open my own studio – but that’s years down the line. My boyfriend and I have plotted this a few times and we get jazzed up. He, as well as all my friends and family, have been super supportive throughout the process. I feel really lucky to be in a position to do this and I can’t wait to share more with you all on the process.
I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. I’m a great student but some doubts creep in. Do I have any authority to teach? Will I be good? Who would want to learn from me? Amongst the other imposter syndrome thoughts I have, this is where I tell my anxiety she’s a liar.
Here's to a new era. Pilates B!
If you've made it this far, thank you so much for reading. I appreciate you! This is your reminder to try new things and that the path that didn't work out may lead you to the one you love (even if you circled the block a few times). This is also your reminder that I had many, many, dark and devastating moments related to body image and my relationship with movement/fitness. It took over 10 years of trial and error, and what I can only describe right now as pure hopelessness, to find something that truly worked for me. A decade! So yes, this is a happy and exciting moment, but it wouldn’t be as happy if it weren’t for those moments. You got this. For anyone who still feels like they don’t, sending you extra love <3.
XOXO, B.
